October 14, 2015: Emotion Sorting

It was surreal to read the headline on the bottom of the screen during the multiple postgame shows:  The Cubs advance to the NLCS.  I’m still processing it.

I was nervous as hell yesterday.  The feelings that were running through my body were comparable to only a few moments in my adult life.  I remember feeling pretty damn nervous on my wedding day, and I remember feeling nervous, maybe more excited, when my wife was in the hospital about to give birth to my son.  These days lately with the Cubs have been nerve racking, and to think, that we have 2 more series wins to go in order to finally taste the ultimate victory.  I’m not sure how I’m going to make it.

There’s so many emotions going through me, it’s hard to explain.  I’m just trying to do some emotion sorting here.  The stress leading up to each and every game, some a little more than others.  The literal hanging on every pitch as the game proceeds to the later innings.  The sheer excitement of another mission advancing win.  The disbelief that I felt watching the Cubs celebrate a playoff series win in Wrigley Field for the first time… EVER, and if you didn’t know, Wrigley is 101 years old.  The relief that we took that next step.  The mental exhaustion that I felt watching the postgame celebrations.  The anticipation of another opponent in the NLCS.  The fear of not being able to complete the mission this year.  The confidence that this will be a more regular sight for us Cubs fans.  The anticipation of finally lifting the trophy.

You have to take things one at a time; it’s too much to process all at once.  It IS mentally exhausting.  I’m still trying to enjoy the ride, and I am.  We witnessed history last night, and again, to think, we still have 2 more huge steps to take.  You know the numbers.  Winning in the NLCS would take us to our first World Series since 1945; another historic occasion.  Winning in the World Series; yeah, I’m not sure how old the oldest person alive is, but this will be something that 99.9% of us have never seen.  The Cubs have already wrote some history last night; there are some chapters left in this book.

It’s great to beat the Cardinals.  Winning… the Cubs winning… eliminates a lot of feelings of hate from me towards any team.  The Cardinals, one of the teams I love to hate, are even pushed to the side tonight.  Yes, it’s great to finally come out on the winning side against our long time rival; to do something to them that they’ve never done to us.  To serve them… not with an eviction notice, but with raise in rent… one I’m not sure they’ll be able to afford.  The Cubs sent a message to the Cardinals on this night that the times have changed.  No more cake walk to the NL Central.  No more putting on your uniform and punching your ticket to the postseason.  The Cubs brought down the mighty red birds.  They won’t be looking back this year; they may not be looking back for a while.

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When they brought in Rodney, I got a little worried.  He did put a runner on, but got 2 big outs.  Richard struck out Heyward; another big moment.  Strop took care of the 8th, and Rondon the 9th.  Of course, he had to give up one hit and bring the tying run to the plate in the form of Piscotty who hit the 2 run home run off Rondon the night before.  But 3 sliders later, and an important tag by Montero, the Cubs made history.

I wasn’t screaming any more.  I was just so happy.  We look phenomenal.  We’re moving on.  We actually beat the Cardinals.  We’re celebrating in Wrigley.  What the heck is going on here?

Now, it has set in.  The nerves will only get worse from here.  The anticipation of history, the fear of disappointment will only grow.  I’m always 100% behind the Cubs, win or lose.  My all-in moment, the moment when I knew this ride would be special, when I knew my heart was up for grabs again, was when I was in attendance at Jake’s 20th victory.  I knew what it felt like to be there; I can only imagine how it felt last night.  I can only imagine what it will feel like from here on out.

So I try not to worry.  This has already been a magical ride, but it’s not over yet.  We have a couple days to breathe… to save up for the moments that lie ahead.  Knowing how I’ve already felt so far, I can only imagine what’s next.  The NLCS is what’s next with an opponent TBD.  Saturday is Game 1, either on the West or the East coast.  Our hearts are on the clock again…