We were all set for the start of March Madness. I took the day off work. I was going to head over to my dad’s to watch the first few hours of the tourney. I had plans before then too, that slightly changed, and opened up a little window for me before the madness began. I decided to head to the cemetery.
The last time I was there was December 23rd; it was a “memorable” visit… maybe that’s why I hadn’t been back since… This March morning surprised us with snow! Yes, snow in March. It’s no biggie, although it was more than the dusting I thought it was; definitely had to put some energy into shoveling before leaving to take our son to school. When I arrived at the cemetery, the entire ground was covered with snow…
I came in my normal entrance and drove what I thought was my normal route to where my mom is buried; I looped around after I initially passed it up. OK, this is where I need to be. I got out of the car with my snowbrush. You see, the entire ground was covered with snow; lucky for me, my mom is buried right next to a tree. I walked towards a tree. Standing next to it, I told myself… this isn’t THE tree. I walked over to the next tree; THIS is the tree. I brushed some snow off the ground; I saw a gravestone. It was hers; first shot.
With the weather the way it was this morning, there was nobody else around; I saw one worker when I came in, and one other one pass by, but absolutely nobody else anywhere. Now I would typically visit my other family members when I’m there to see my mom, but not today; I wouldn’t have the tree to assist in locating the others. I may be wandering around their sections for a while… No, today, only you mom…
As I stood there, the wind gusted; when the wind blows, I feel like it’s my mom saying hello to me. I feel like it’s her talking to me, telling me that I’m thinking right about whatever is going through my head at the moment. She is still there, with me… the person I could always count on my entire life, helping me balance…
This year has been all about finding the new balance, and no, not the gym shoes; I’m not sure if I’m there yet… I don’t have a timeline on it. I always thought the first year would be the toughest. Well, we’re almost there… I can’t believe that it’s been almost a year since my mom is gone. Certainly day 366 will not make it all better, but being able to say “we made it” through the first year… well, that’s something I guess. I’m guessing/hoping it gets easier from here on out… like finding my mom’s stone next to that tree in the middle of a snow covered section of the cemetery. I’m guessing the next couple weeks leading up to that first year anniversary will be tough; the grind is real. Good luck to us all.
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