Coming back to work after being out is tough. Every Monday, after the two day weekend, sucks. Take a couple days off and come back, ugh! Take a week off… it gets worse. Come back from the vacation that I just came back from… brutal. The return to reality isn’t a fun one, but a necessary one. This time was probably the worst ever, and it has nothing to do with work. The reality remains; my Mom is still not here.
Like I said earlier, it’s great to have a home that you’re happy to come back to; this is very true. I am very blessed in that category… to have my wife and son, to have a nice house to live in, to be able to do many things that we want to do… it is very, very good. Reality includes family, including my job, where many folks there are like family. My family is missing a huge piece… it’s almost been 3 months. How long does it take to “move on”?
I am moving on, I mean… I’m doing what I have to do. Things are somewhat back to normal, at home, at the job… doing what I have to do for my wife, my son. Things are anything but normal inside my head and heart, where the new normal is still evolving… I don’t have the energy for the BS, seriously. I try to channel all my energy towards positive things; this is not so different from the previous normal. I feel like I just have a lot less energy… certainly don’t have enough to waste on stuff I cannot control, like the past for example. I can’t change the past; there are things I would change, if I could. If I could, I would change something that happened about 3 months ago, but I can’t. Losing my Mom is just the latest, most painful example of how little control we have in this place; tomorrow isn’t promised today. Proceed accordingly.
I need to save my energy, for the important things. The important “things” are all the people in my life; this is true now more than ever. For as much as my life has changed, there are others whose lives have changed a bit more, and I’m not talking about every single person in this world. I’m talking about my Dad… whose 24/7 partner for 53 years plus is gone. How about my sister… whose best friend/daily confidant is gone? My brother… what about him? Sure, I have my own feelings that I need to work through, but I feel for them too. There is no replacing my Mom. We all have our own roads that we’re on, but there’s nothing wrong with being there for each other as we navigate them.
On the road again… that’s important, you know, being ON the road… not off to the side, like a stalled car. We are “moving on”… more like moving, period… because you can’t keep still, and you sure as hell can’t go backwards. Keeping it moving…
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