It took all of 15 days in 2015 to crack open the 14th version of the Hate Files. Yes, XIV= 14 for all the Roman numeral challenged readers out there. It’s the first Hate File of the New Year… I don’t want to get on a roll here… there can’t be that many more teams or individuals that I hate, can there be? Well, let me tell you, the doors are always open…
I’m actually tabbing this Hate File with a start date of 2014, the first time I began to have feelings of hate towards this franchise. After another loss at their hands on Wednesday night at the United Center, I welcome a new team into that hateful place in my heart… the Washington Wizards.
First off, what the hell happened to the Washington Bullets? That was the name of the team I remember playing basketball in Washington DC. They changed their name because the “Bullets” were an all too appropriate name for the franchise located in our nation’s capital, one of the leading places of murder in our country. I know of another place that holds that title now… This place, our town, was actually where this franchise was born believe it or not. You want to know what the original name of this franchise was, back in 1961… the Chicago PACKERS. Yeah, I just found that out. Yeah, like I needed another reason to hate this franchise.
Now the Wizards as of 1997, this team really never bothered me… well, they bothered me a little bit when a certain legend went there to squeeze the last bit of competitive juices out of his bones. Seeing MJ in a Wizards uniform was just wrong, but hey, there was nothing that was going to make me dislike MJ; he had done too much good for this city. He already held the title of greatest player in Chicago sports history. If he wanted to go “blow” his last few years with the team in a city that was once ran by mayor Marion Barry, so be it. Still, screw the Wizards for that… but, I still didn’t hate them.
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Yep, and now this year, they continue to hold the upper hand against us. If you look at this team, it’s not that hard to hate them. Let’s start off with Thug #1, Nene. After putting Jimmy G in a choke hold last year, I wanted to kick his ass. Here’s a guy who thinks he’s playing soccer, putting his first name on his jersey. Here’s a guy from Brazil who I believe starred in the classic City of God flick. He looks like a goon, and acts like one too. Then we got another thug, an old G if you like, who clotheslined Jimmy G in the preseason game this year. Paul Pierce is a known gangbanger from LA. I didn’t mind him when they were kicking the Lakers’ ass, but now, he’s just an annoying ass old man. I still remember him getting stabbed in some party back at Kansas, and throwing up some gang signs somewhere along the line, or something like that. Then you got John Wall brandishing a gun in the locker room… oh wait, that was Gilbert Arenas… same difference. Or what about Marcin Gortat? Here’s a big, tough looking polack that you might find wandering Milwaukee Avenue up North, or Archer Avenue down South. Didn’t he get disqualified for throwing a low blow against Riddick Bowe back in the day? Sorry, another mix up… that was Andrew Golota… maybe that’s who I saw wandering these city streets.
The hits continue on this team with Gonzo, or Bradley “the Beak” Beal, and Andre “it’s long past” Miller time, or Rasoul “definitely ain’t Jimmy” Butler, or Kevin “Mushmouth” Seraphin? Each time I see this team, I began to hate them more. It doesn’t help that they present a tough matchup for our Bulls. After earlier wanting a playoff rematch against them to avenge last year’s series loss, I now find myself thinking it would be best to avoid them in the playoffs if possible…
I thought it would take another playoff series loss to them to fully Hate this team, but I was wrong. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me how quick I can hate a team when they are beating one of my teams. So the 14th Hate File is officially opened, and will remain opened for the foreseeable future. Congratulations Wizards, you have reached LeBron status…
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