From 7 years old, to 7th grade; it feels like it’s happened that quick. Today was my son’s first day of school.
It’s kind of an emotional day. Summer is over; a new school year begins. The routine that we follow starts, and will continue until the month of June, with obviously Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring breaks sprinkled in. More so than any of that, is the fact that my son is another year older; he only has 2 more years before high school. It’s really insane. Everybody said it would go by fast; it has… time continues to fly.
One of the traditions that we have on this inaugural day every year is taking a picture of my son in his uniform before he goes to school with a little chalk board that says his age, grade, and what he wants to be when he grows up; that space is filled out with “olympic swimmer” this year. This has been a common choice over the years. I don’t know what he’ll be when he grows up, but I do know he’s going to be great; he’s such an awesome kid.
After taking the picture, after we drop him off at school, I send the picture out; I think about the one person who will not get to see that picture this year… the same person who took those same first day of school pictures when I was a kid. It’s hard not to think of my Mom on this day. We had some ugly school uniforms, let me tell you; gold polo shirts and shit brown pants. We had those uniforms until 8th grade, my last year in grammar school, when we switched to a light & dark blue combo; my Mom was not happy. We have to buy all new uniforms for my last year?!?!
Today starts a difficult time for me. There are times when I know it’s going to be rough, and then there are all those random moments in between that hit me; this week will fall into that first category. I really felt it Monday morning, but couldn’t stop to think about it, because I was so busy. Today, I felt it again. Tomorrow will be the day before my birthday. The reason that day will be hard is because someone used to call me every day before my birthday to wish me Happy Birthday Eve. Thankfully, I still have a voice mail she left me with that message; I will play it when I wake up in the morning. Of course, that leaves my birthday on Thursday… my first without the person who brought me into this world. For me, there’s extra meaning on that day, because I’ve shared it with my parents’ anniversary; double whammy from here on out. I haven’t been looking forward to these days; I felt this way for a while now, but thankfully, due to a couple trips out of town, I was able to put those thoughts on the back burner. It’s now back on the front burner. What are you going to do… it is what it is… life goes on.
I talked to someone today who has experienced a loss recently, and she stated it pretty well. It’s kind of like you’re in a glass bottle. You can see everything around you, and you’re trying to get out, but you can’t. The best way I can define these last 4+ months is just trying to maintain; I knew the first year would be hard… we’re only a third of the way through it. Is maintaining going to be enough though? It will have to do, especially for these next few days; the next big milestone without my mother has arrived.
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