“This morning, I woke up… feeling brand new, I jumped up…. feeling my highs and my lows, in my soul, and my goals, just to stop smokin’, and stop drinkin’, and I’ve been thinkin’, I’ve got my reasons, just to get by, just to get by, just to get by, just to get by…”
How am I going to get by? We’re in uncharted territory here, so… I’ve asked others that I know. One of my good friends lost his Mom years back; I asked him… how’d you do it? He said he drank, like 2 weeks straight… until his Mom came to him in a dream, and told him “I’m OK”. There’s one man’s path. I’m not going down that road, at least not yet; trying to minimize that, at least for now… just kind of taking it all on, raw and uncut. But I would like to see my Mom in a dream… Speaking of dreams…
I had two that I clearly remember from the other night. In the first one, I was back in the condo building we used to live in, and I was walking up the stairs, to where our unit used to be, looking at each door as I passed them. When I got to our unit, I opened the door, and walked into my aunt and uncle’s old apartment. This apartment where we celebrated many a Christmas and Easter holidays. I saw someone sitting in the chair, a woman with glasses on; I think that was my grandmother, my Mom’s mother. Then when I looked up, it was my aunt, my Mom’s sister, who has been gone for a long time. She gave me a big hug, then pulled away… In the second one, I was on a bus; it was called the “Green Line” bus… Chicago does have a Green Line train line, and also a beer called Green Line that I used to drink, but bus? It doesn’t exist as far as I know. Anyways, I was on this bus, and I was looking at all the stops downtown, trying to figure out which stop I should get off on… which one would allow me to get home. Problem is, the bus was going too fast; it didn’t make any stops. In fact, it ended up speeding through the bike lanes, knocking over all the barricades… it ended up stopping in some park, right by the lake. Interpret how you may…
I don’t typically remember my dreams, although it’s said we dream every minute we’re asleep. But these two, at least these portions, were clear as day in my head when I got up. What does it all mean? I don’t know. How will I get by? I don’t know… but I do know, that I will. Although a piece of my heart is missing, a big piece, there is a lot of my heart that is still intact, and that heart is still full of love… that’s how we’ll get by. After all, who taught me how to love? Mom.
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