“Good morning, it’s me. Just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday Eve. Hope you’re going to have a good day. We’ll see you tomorrow. Love you. Bye.”
My Mom left me that voice mail 9 years ago today; thankfully I still have it. I started my day today listening to it, because that’s all I can hear from her today; it’s short and sweet, but enough to get me feeling emotional. Yet again, no time for this… full day ahead; got to keep it moving. Only when I slow down will it start to come back to the surface; maybe around midnight tonight? Maybe now, as I write this; why do I write this? I know what this will bring; I can’t possibly get through writing this with dry eyes. Writing is my therapy, or part of it at least; I’m sure I need more, for a whole lot of things. This is the cheapest path though, that’s for sure. I have to slow down for a second, let it out. Not sure who will see this; doesn’t really matter though. It’s for me; is that selfish? Nobody else is going to take care of my head; that’s on me. I’m trying.
Who else but a mother would call someone the day before their actually birthday to wish them this? This isn’t Christmas Eve; this isn’t New Year’s Eve. It’s only my birthday; I guess because I was her first born. I’m sure she did this for both my brother and sister too; this was just her. This was just one of the little things she did for her children; it is the little things that matter, or so they say. Many little things may go unnoticed day to day; I know I’m not a very observant person in general… walking around with my head up my ass half the time, thinking about Chicago sports, gambling, and today, about my first fantasy football draft of the season. How am I to notice the little things? At work, my managers need to remind me of things; I tell them to. I tell them if they don’t get the reply they’re looking for, keep bugging me; they’ll get it eventually. Doesn’t sound too much different from home. Fair or not, that’s how it is; hey, I’m the master follow-upper at work… practically half my job, trying to get people to do stuff, yet I sure don’t want to do that in my personal life. This is what happens when I just write whatever off the top of my head.
OK, wiping the tears away now; have to get out of here and get home. I took off the next 2 days. One thing I said is that I will never work on my birthday if at all possible; it’s possible this year. I said that with March Madness too, but I was right here again this year; what’s up with that? I always look forward to my birthday; who doesn’t? I guess there are people who don’t, for various reasons; I have a reason now. Will this reason ruin my birthday? How selfish of me. No, it will be different though, at least this year, probably every year from here on out. I will still be happy, because every day above ground, every year spent on this earth is a blessing. We never know when we won’t be able to say that any more; we never know when today will be our last. Tomorrow is not promised today. So yeah, God willing, as long as I wake up in the morning tomorrow, I will be happy; I’d like to think it’s not my time yet… I’d like to think I have ways to go.
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